the heading to this entry is of course, lyrics to a song as are most of my entries. . this one is far different though and could not be more important compared to other lyrics i've used.
now you're probably reading the lyrics over & over thinking... what song is that and who the hell is the artist? well, if you're not familiar with country music then you'll never know and if you are familiar with it, but don't know of montgomery gentry... not only do you need to be shot, but you will also never know what song that is. i'm a pretty big montgomery gentry fan, i have all of their cds (surprising? nah...not one bit) this song has been on repeat in my brain for a few days now... and it pretty much states a lot about this entry. for once, the lyrics are actually setting the tone. yea... thats a revelation for me!
jeff and i are seperated. yes, seperated. no, not divorced. where am i? back at my parents. what happened? a lot of things, but it was a mutual agreement on me to leave so we could both live & not want to kill each other. this brings me to the money issue. thats the biggest issue as to why i left (and save the lectures because i know you don't leave due to money) we were at the rock bottom and digging thru that core just trying to survive. my job at ryan's was great and all but they didn't keep their promise on 40 hours, the most i recieved was a whopping 24 hours and at $6 a hour..... eeeeh. it didn't help our income much. we overdrew our bank account 4.... yes 4 times, in ONE week! we had no financial help from either set of parents, no shot in hell on getting any type of loan (which even if we did, we'd have to pay that back and with the size of our bills.... yea.... we didn't even consider a loan being an option) with october comes my first truck payment.... we were in jeopardy of having that vehicle bein' taken by the repo man. we were also in jeopardy of not having near enough money to save our auto insurance. there were really no other options to us but for me to leave, so i could get back on my feet financially and so that jeff could as well.
neither of us wanted me to go. i saw jeff cry the first time the day i was packing my stuff up.. which i had only two or 3 things packed up in the truck when he got home from work.. but i know it hit him hard. it was extremely hard on me making that decision. i used to believe love was all you needed to get by in a relationship.. and maybe it is... but... when you have bills and only one decent source of income.... love becomes taken over by money.
we both still believe there's a chance of me moving back and us being a family... but there's also that chance of a divorce. either way we both know that we weren't fighting when i left and it was pretty much something we both agreed on.... as we see it now though, neither of us want a divorce.
i have a job here at my parents.. i got it by my sister. which it scared me... she's never wanted to even try and help me... they told me it'd be 30 hours a week promised. yea... i worked maybe 12 hours this past weekend and i haven't worked yet this week but for 30 mins. wow. i can't afford it, especially with my new car insurance and my truck payment..... so i pounded the payment and applied at a few different places today. which pissed my sister off and started the jihad at my parents house today... my sister thinks she's the manager and she tried to get me fired once in the TWO days i have been there.. but failed and said she'd definately get me fired the next time... she's mental.. y'all just wouldn't have no idea.
oh but anyway, i guess other than all that everything is okay. i've got in communication with a few old friends which is great and hell, i've even managed to make some new ones so things aren't entirely bad.
i've already decided not to dwell on things no matter what happens with jeff and me. we're both taking our time to think for the next few days after me being an emotional freight train since i've been home and calling him more than i should.... he promised me tonight he'd call me in a few days and have something figured out... we both need time to think if it'll work or not... but either way i've decided as i said, not to dwell on things but to either work my ass off and try to salvage the marriage... or go on and start my life over... thats a lesson i learned with my ex fiance' you can't dweel because you'll become some depressed morbid person.... or at leats i got that way... i'm a different person now.
you know.. i'm just wondering if anyone else was a bit dissapointed with brooks & dunn's new cd, hillbilly deluxe...? because i feel like it could have been a lot better than they made it... kinda let me down a bit but i still love my BD!